Laugh out loud doctor notes

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians…

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. 

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her side for more than one year 

On the second day, the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared 

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night 

The patient has been depressed ever since she started seeing me in 1983 

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing 

I have suggested that he loosen his pants without standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor 

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 

Discharge status: Alive but without permission 

The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him 

Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful 

The patient refused an autopsy 

The patient has no past history of suicides. 

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully 

Patient has left his white blood cells in another hospital 

The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days 

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December 

The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room 

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch 

Laughter is good medicine. If you have any of these kinds of lists, share them in the comments below.